A small but powerful group, The Tea Party deserves a Barbie of its own. Introducing The Kelly Doll. If you think the old catch phrase of Barbie, “Let’s go shopping,” was vapid, wait till you hear what comes out of the mouth of this one. And tap on it. It’s as hollow as a chocolate Easter bunny.
In honor of all the gains women have made through the years, there is the CMO Mom. She broke through the glass ceiling, and she’ll break your heart. The CMO Mom has it all, two adorable children, a much younger second husband, and an even younger stud assistant. The CMO Mom comes with your choice of a bottle of scotch or a box of wine.
Every girl dreams of looking like Barbie, and so does every doll. And this one does. Looking just like the original Barbie but with the help of cosmetic surgery. Introducing Plastic Surgery Barbie. With the help of well-placed plastic, you will be asking who was her surgeon. Price: $10,000.
She’s smart, she’s beautiful, and she works for you. At least that’s what her re-election commercial claims. Senator Barbie at your service. Accessories include thousands of lobbyists and a suitcase of untraceable cash.
Mattel introduced a Barbie with cancer before, but nothing like this one. Meet The Breast Cancer Barbie. Your child can decide if insurance will cover her treatment, and if Barbie should have a mastectomy or keep her breasts and possibly lose her life. A great teaching moment for your child. The Breast Cancer Barbie comes with a scalpel.
It’s important to teach your kids that beauty won’t last forever. They might look beautiful at 6 but wait until they hit double digits. It’s all downhill after that. Or is it? Introducing Botox Barbie, and not wanting to appear sexist, Botox Ken. Teach your child that with the help of a paralyzing poison, beauty can last forever. Each doll comes with an injection of Botox, suitable for all the 6-years old out there.
Foster the young Republican in your child. Teach him or her the beauty of the free market system with Hostile Takeover Ken. Watch him in action as he moves from one corporation to another, downsizing them like locusts in a wheat field. If your child doesn’t cry, then he is truly an American.
We will explore and exploit the human condition to help make Mattel the company you would be proud to be a part of.