Rob was about to begin looking into monastic life when he received a message from one of his dating apps informing him of a new speed dating service tailored to assist socially awkward individuals with unique interests. The service hosted in-person events where the attendees could dress up as someone or something other than themselves, thus engendering confidence and inspiring conversation among like-minded individuals.
The website listed several ground rules for participation, including no costumes that are potentially offensive (e.g., Caligula, Satan, or current politicians) and absolutely no weapons, including, but not limited to swords, knives, axes, maces, flails, guns, phasers, lances, spears, blasters, and bows (long and cross); and the most recent addition—catapult-like devices.
Rob thought the catapult entry had to be a joke until he found the backstory online; it read: Apparently, King Arthur had been very pissed when he couldn’t bring his beloved Excalibur to the speed dating event. Being a king, Arthur disliked the word “no,” unless, of course, it was Guinevere’s answer when he asked if she was still having sex with Sir Lancelot on the DL. Anyway, suffice it to say most of the time Arthur did not like being told no. Hence, he vowed to exact revenge for the egregious slight against Excalibur, which he referred to as his phallic doppelganger.
Arthur attempted to lay siege to the speed dating venue with a trebuchet (go ahead, look it up—we'll wait), which is a catapult-like machine used extensively as a siege engine during the Middle Ages. Fortunately, members of the local constabulary arrived just as he and several vassals attempted to use a block and tackle to lever the device up the hotel steps. The vassals—cowards one and all—dropped the ropes and ran off, leaving their king to face the invading constabulary horde alone.
As they ran off, Arthur could be heard yelling, "It could have been much worse! There could have been a moat with burning oil!"
Sir Gawain turned and yelled back, "Sorry, Art, I can't stay; I'm on probation."
"Then Sir G, thou can consider your roundtable privileges revoketh!"
Shortly thereafter, the constables arrived and slapped King Arthur in irons and dragged him off to the dungeon, where a short time later his attorney, dressed as—what else—a court jester, posted his bail, and he was released.
The trebuchet was returned unharmed from whence it came: a local Renaissance Faire, which had been using it for their pumpkin toss fundraiser.
***
After reading about the King Arthur debacle, Rob decided to return his Robin Hood costume to the Halloween store. On the way home, he decided to stop at Burger King, where he donned a cardboard crown and downloaded the latest OkNerd dating app.
The website listed several ground rules for participation, including no costumes that are potentially offensive (e.g., Caligula, Satan, or current politicians) and absolutely no weapons, including, but not limited to swords, knives, axes, maces, flails, guns, phasers, lances, spears, blasters, and bows (long and cross); and the most recent addition—catapult-like devices.
Rob thought the catapult entry had to be a joke until he found the backstory online; it read: Apparently, King Arthur had been very pissed when he couldn’t bring his beloved Excalibur to the speed dating event. Being a king, Arthur disliked the word “no,” unless, of course, it was Guinevere’s answer when he asked if she was still having sex with Sir Lancelot on the DL. Anyway, suffice it to say most of the time Arthur did not like being told no. Hence, he vowed to exact revenge for the egregious slight against Excalibur, which he referred to as his phallic doppelganger.
Arthur attempted to lay siege to the speed dating venue with a trebuchet (go ahead, look it up—we'll wait), which is a catapult-like machine used extensively as a siege engine during the Middle Ages. Fortunately, members of the local constabulary arrived just as he and several vassals attempted to use a block and tackle to lever the device up the hotel steps. The vassals—cowards one and all—dropped the ropes and ran off, leaving their king to face the invading constabulary horde alone.
As they ran off, Arthur could be heard yelling, "It could have been much worse! There could have been a moat with burning oil!"
Sir Gawain turned and yelled back, "Sorry, Art, I can't stay; I'm on probation."
"Then Sir G, thou can consider your roundtable privileges revoketh!"
Shortly thereafter, the constables arrived and slapped King Arthur in irons and dragged him off to the dungeon, where a short time later his attorney, dressed as—what else—a court jester, posted his bail, and he was released.
The trebuchet was returned unharmed from whence it came: a local Renaissance Faire, which had been using it for their pumpkin toss fundraiser.
***
After reading about the King Arthur debacle, Rob decided to return his Robin Hood costume to the Halloween store. On the way home, he decided to stop at Burger King, where he donned a cardboard crown and downloaded the latest OkNerd dating app.
