REVENGE
‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. A table for four?’
‘Yeah, and we wanna good one. Not by the kitchen or the toilets. And we want prompt service and first-class food or we’ll give this place a lousy review. Got it?’
‘Certainly, sir. This way, please.’ The head waiter led them to a table by the window and returned with four menus and a wine list. ‘This is our special menu and wine list. I’m sure you’ll find something you’ll like on it.’
‘Special menu, huh?’
‘Yes, sir.’ He left them to make their choices and returned a few minutes later.
‘What’s the pasta like? It’d better be good.’
‘All our pastas are excellent, sir. They are my mother’s recipes from Napoli. Our speciality is the penne with tomato, basil and tuna.’
‘OK, we’ll have that. And why’ve you only got Italian wines? Ours are much better.’
‘I’m sorry, sir, as this is an Italian restaurant we only serve Italian wines. I recommend the Lambrusco to go with your pasta. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.’
‘OK, OK, if you haven’t got proper wine we’ll have that, if it’s drinkable.’
Their food arrived, and the group immediately complained. ‘Call that a portion? We get twice that in our country.’ The waiter removed the plates and returned with extra pasta on them.
‘That’s better.’ They ate their meals and drank the wine, loudly comparing them to their counterparts back home, and when they had finished they asked for the bill. ‘I see you got a service charge, and I suppose you want a tip on top of that.’ The man inserted his card, tapped in his number and all four left the restaurant, still grumbling.
A regular customer caught the head waiter’s eye. ‘I didn’t know you had a special menu, Gio. Can we have a discount, too?’
Gio winked. ‘Why do you assume they had a discount? We keep those menus for our more unpleasant guests, and the prices are thirty per cent higher than the usual one, which doesn’t have a service charge. And you won’t want to know what was in the pasta sauce.’
The customer and his partner mimed applause. ‘And it’s a lot quieter since they left, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, sir. Can I get you both coffee? On the house.’
‘Yeah, and we wanna good one. Not by the kitchen or the toilets. And we want prompt service and first-class food or we’ll give this place a lousy review. Got it?’
‘Certainly, sir. This way, please.’ The head waiter led them to a table by the window and returned with four menus and a wine list. ‘This is our special menu and wine list. I’m sure you’ll find something you’ll like on it.’
‘Special menu, huh?’
‘Yes, sir.’ He left them to make their choices and returned a few minutes later.
‘What’s the pasta like? It’d better be good.’
‘All our pastas are excellent, sir. They are my mother’s recipes from Napoli. Our speciality is the penne with tomato, basil and tuna.’
‘OK, we’ll have that. And why’ve you only got Italian wines? Ours are much better.’
‘I’m sorry, sir, as this is an Italian restaurant we only serve Italian wines. I recommend the Lambrusco to go with your pasta. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.’
‘OK, OK, if you haven’t got proper wine we’ll have that, if it’s drinkable.’
Their food arrived, and the group immediately complained. ‘Call that a portion? We get twice that in our country.’ The waiter removed the plates and returned with extra pasta on them.
‘That’s better.’ They ate their meals and drank the wine, loudly comparing them to their counterparts back home, and when they had finished they asked for the bill. ‘I see you got a service charge, and I suppose you want a tip on top of that.’ The man inserted his card, tapped in his number and all four left the restaurant, still grumbling.
A regular customer caught the head waiter’s eye. ‘I didn’t know you had a special menu, Gio. Can we have a discount, too?’
Gio winked. ‘Why do you assume they had a discount? We keep those menus for our more unpleasant guests, and the prices are thirty per cent higher than the usual one, which doesn’t have a service charge. And you won’t want to know what was in the pasta sauce.’
The customer and his partner mimed applause. ‘And it’s a lot quieter since they left, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, sir. Can I get you both coffee? On the house.’
