We are sending this message and the accompanying likeness of one of your so-called astronauts via radiohypertachyonetry, which has been modified so that you can receive it on your primitive forms of “social media.” Earthman Warren arrived here with three others fifty-nine quintilations ago. In Earth time, that is approximately six revolutions of your planet. We are keeping them safe and under observation in our zoo for alien creatures. In the likeness, you can see Warren smiling and waving. He and the others are being treated well; however, we are finding it difficult to understand his purpose in visiting our planet. He keeps repeating one phrase, “Houston, we have a problem.” We don’t know what it means, but he says you will understand. Please let us know what to do with them. We assume you want them back. Or, did you send them here as a form of punishment? You can respond in the affirmative by broadcasting a rerun of “I Love Lucy.” Our favorite episode is the one where Lucy and Ethel get jobs in a chocolate factory. Or you can respond in the negative by broadcasting any rerun of “Queen for a Day.”
WoDu, Chief of the Zoromytherians
WoDu, Chief of the Zoromytherians
