The ethics consultant came highly recommended. (I recommended him; he is my uncle on my mother’s side.) However when management took a cursory glance at his presentation, they decided not to reject the other applicants just yet. It was a tactful way of saying no.
When I told him the bad news, my uncle was dumbfounded. Aggressive guy, he got straight into my face. “I am lost at sea, Sean. I don’t mean to muck about it but frankly I thought I was a shoo-in. You know, you could’ve gone into bat for me. I am family.”
Stubborn to no end, I knew he would not give up easy. Still, since the bosses hold all the cards, his best bet is to try to meet them halfway. “Maybe you should change the title, Uncle Pat. The current one, ‘Your Fair Share is 100%,’ has a hint of selfishness, although probably unintended. Remember, it’s an ethics seminar.”
“Okay, kid, I can do that. I’m gonna change the title.”
“And your name, too. The honchos here have long memories.”
“Are you jacking with me, Sean? Any other useful suggestion?”
“How about plastic surgery?”
“Excuse me?!”
“And change your gender. Everyone does it these days.”
“You’re shitting me!
“No, I am serious. The surgical procedure is perfectly safe, both ways. The other day I picked up a booklet at the airport.”
“Get out of here, you pervert, and take your deviant pamphlet with you! I ain’t gonna get my dick cut off to earn lousy two thousand bucks entertaining a bunch of mugs. Enough of brainstorming. Okay, Sean, I’m willing to modify one or two things, but that’s it. Then I’m gonna pull a comeback I am famous for, just you watch.”
“Sounds good, Uncle Pat. And while you’re at it you should also consider working on the content of the presentation. A corporate audience, all of them virtue-signaling people, they expect a more polished approach to ethics these days. If you play it nice, they’ll lap it up. So give them the warm and fuzzy. Convince them that by listening to your lecture they’ll become better persons than those who never bother dragging their lazy asses to any seminar no matter how edifying it promises to be.”
When I told him the bad news, my uncle was dumbfounded. Aggressive guy, he got straight into my face. “I am lost at sea, Sean. I don’t mean to muck about it but frankly I thought I was a shoo-in. You know, you could’ve gone into bat for me. I am family.”
Stubborn to no end, I knew he would not give up easy. Still, since the bosses hold all the cards, his best bet is to try to meet them halfway. “Maybe you should change the title, Uncle Pat. The current one, ‘Your Fair Share is 100%,’ has a hint of selfishness, although probably unintended. Remember, it’s an ethics seminar.”
“Okay, kid, I can do that. I’m gonna change the title.”
“And your name, too. The honchos here have long memories.”
“Are you jacking with me, Sean? Any other useful suggestion?”
“How about plastic surgery?”
“Excuse me?!”
“And change your gender. Everyone does it these days.”
“You’re shitting me!
“No, I am serious. The surgical procedure is perfectly safe, both ways. The other day I picked up a booklet at the airport.”
“Get out of here, you pervert, and take your deviant pamphlet with you! I ain’t gonna get my dick cut off to earn lousy two thousand bucks entertaining a bunch of mugs. Enough of brainstorming. Okay, Sean, I’m willing to modify one or two things, but that’s it. Then I’m gonna pull a comeback I am famous for, just you watch.”
“Sounds good, Uncle Pat. And while you’re at it you should also consider working on the content of the presentation. A corporate audience, all of them virtue-signaling people, they expect a more polished approach to ethics these days. If you play it nice, they’ll lap it up. So give them the warm and fuzzy. Convince them that by listening to your lecture they’ll become better persons than those who never bother dragging their lazy asses to any seminar no matter how edifying it promises to be.”
