It was an unusual day, punctuated by Russian space junk, at the highly-secretive Saturn Research Facility, Think Tank and Video Game Group. Located in orbit, along the third ring of Saturn, inside a mammoth, football field length space station, which houses some of the diabolical minds of the Universe, including the frenetic souls of Alexander the Great, Blackbeard, Julius Caesar, and one-hundred of the crème de la crème video game programmers and players.
Absent from this patriarchal group, were such caring souls as Mother Teresa, Florence Nightingale and Helen Keller.
Built in a parallel universe to ours, named ironically, Mattella, Simon, an android, was given a directive by Mathena, the Goddess of the Multiverses, to enter the “Forbidden Zone,” also known as Saturn Ring Number Three.
Indeed, Simon is to be lauded for his work uncovering The Push-Button Pyramid Project by an elite group of aliens who worked with the Egyptians to build the pyramids, then use its inside chambers to house the first generation of mega video consoles that began to control our entire universe.
In essence, since circa 3,000 B.C., our universe has been one colossal video game.
Built into the video program were such recurring themes such as war, crime, pestilence, power, lust, history repeating itself, etc., and on a galactic scale, violent storms and hurling space objects.
Part and parcel to the sinister plan of the “Video Game Group,” was their plans to conqueror other universes, and convert them into video games as well. Indeed, history does attempt to repeat itself.
Fortunately for those who believe in old-fashioned ways, along came Simon, “The Luddite Crusader.”
Upon arrival at the Saturn Facility, Simon quickly “befriended” Blackbeard and boldly challenged him to a “winner-take-all” arm wrestling match, with the grand prize being complete control of all of existence. High stakes, indeed.
But first, a round of drinks was in order for every member on the space craft. And another round. And another. And another. And another. The entire crew of the ship passed out, except for Simon, and Blackbeard, who was seemingly un-phased by his drinking three quarts of tequila.
With Simon having an honorable reputation, Blackbeard allowed the un-escorted, bio-engineered android to go to the Control Room to recharge his batteries.
Surely Simon could be easily trusted. Not!
One-by-one, the crew awoke to the sound of a bellowing Blackbeard, who was ranting, ironically, about an android who plundered all of their battery packs, thus disabling the entire video game network in the universe.
Suddenly, humans and aliens alike, began to smile again, and come alive, for they were finally free from the tyranny of the Galactic Wii Machine.