Good morning. I have several perfectly reasonable requests to make. I know, I know, I am a cell phone. How is that even possible? Okay, just humor me.
Request #1. I see that you just popped a piece of cinnamon roll in your mouth. Now, you are licking your fingers. You can touch me, but only after you wash your hands. Smudges and I don’t see, eye to eye. By the way, another piece of bread just fell out of your mouth, and it has landed on me. Oh, my goodness. Next time, you might want to chew with your mouth closed.
Request #2. Every so often, clean my screen. No, not with the dirty towel the dog likes to drag across the living room floor. For your information, I respond best to a gentle wipe from a microfiber cloth. It is far more effective.
Request #3. On our way to the bathroom again, are we? If my memory serves me right, we were just in there. It may have something to do with that cinnamon bun you just ate. Try gluten-free next time. I am sure your intestinal tract will thank you for it. Or, enter the bathroom without me. Instead, take a magazine or two. You have my permission. Anyway, I could use some alone time.
Request #4. Keep me off the rim of the bathtub. A previous incident serves as a timely reminder. You sat me on the rim. I slipped, and landed on the bottom. It was quite the ride, and I still experience blackouts.
Request #5. Okay, if you must hold me while you do your business, please make it snappy. I have plans for the day.
Request #6. I am not waterproof, so try not to drop me in the toilet bowl. That one time was enough.
Request #7. Please wash your hands. Thank you.