Friday Flash Fiction
  • Home
    • Opportunities at FFF
    • About Friday Flash Fiction
    • Terms & Conditions
  • 100-Word Stories
  • Longer Stories
  • Poetry
  • Authors
    • A
    • B
    • C
    • D
    • E-F
    • G-I
    • J-L
    • M-O
    • P-R
    • S-V
    • W-Z
  • Submissions
    • 100-Word Submissions
    • 500-Word Submissions
    • Short Poetry Submissions
    • Writing Good Flash Fiction >
      • How to complete the Entry Form
    • Appeals/Feedback Request
    • Contact FFF
    • Technical Stuff >
      • Terms & Conditions
      • GDPR Compliance
      • Duotrope
    • Support FFF

Funny Kid, by Lorraine Murphy

19/3/2022

 
John loved three things: humour, American football and his dad.
John was telling jokes before dinosaurs roamed the planet. Aunts and uncles dared not darken his doorway unless armed with ample anecdotes. He’d listen, learn and practice, ready to regale to anyone who would listen. John was a funny child according to his first-year peers, who flung footballs at him and laughed, but hadn’t ever heard his jokes.
John also loved American football. His dad had searched high and low to find a school with a team. They celebrated when The Heath Post-primary accepted him, but John had yet to be picked for the team
When a school talent contest was advertised, John grabbed his chance to make his classmates like him. He devised a routine that was tight and funny and could barely sleep the night before, repeating his jokes and practicing his punchlines. In his confirmation suit, brilliant white shirt and blue spotted dickie bow, he stepped onto the stage. The audience tittered but he wasn’t nervous until he spied Miss Snitch, a right biology teacher, flanked by his first-year football friends.
Miss Snitch hated John and that wasn’t as maybe. “I despise all first-years,” she had told him. “But I particularly dislike you.”
John looked down at his polished shoes. The room spun but he took a deep breath and delivered the best performance of his life. He finished on his best joke and held his breath. The audience were on their… seats. You could hear a pin drop. In slow motion, he exited stage left bewitched, bothered and bewildered, just like the song of the next contestant.
All day, John couldn’t figure out what happened.
“Hey buddy, you’re shocking quiet. What’s wrong?” his dad asked at dinner that night.
John told him about his comedy and stood to deliver his routine but after two jokes his dad’s face froze in horror. It transpired that John was a juvenile shock jock, more suited to a workingman’s club than a school. John had no idea he was so rude or offensive.
The following day, when John arrived at school, one student stood and applauded his courage, followed by another and another. He grew two feet (although he already had two feet) and became super-popular. Then he woke up and had to face reality. John apologised to his teachers, his classmates, the janitor and life went on as before.
The next September, John’s best friend Mikey changed schools and changed John’s life. They laughed until they cried on the bus and in the yard, and John’s peers found someone else to amuse them.
John never made the team but neither did he lose his love of football. Nowadays, you’ll find him officiating all over Europe, looking out for the odd ones, the square pegs in round holes, those left on the sideline. The funny kids.
“Come on, buddy,” he’ll call to them, “you can help me out. Do you know any jokes?” ​
Sue Clayton
20/3/2022 06:32:53 am

He'd make the A grade as a first-rate stand-up comedian.

Lorraine Murphy
20/3/2022 04:04:34 pm

Thanks Sue, I think he would.

marjan sierhuis
20/3/2022 02:44:55 pm

A beautifully written story, Lorraine.

Lorraine Murphy
20/3/2022 04:05:40 pm

Thank you Marjan, it's so very kind of you to say. I'm delighted you enjoyed it.


Comments are closed.

    Longer
    Stories

    Longer Friday Flash Fiction Stories

    Friday Flash Fiction is primarily a site for stories of 100 words or fewer, and our authors are expected to take on that challenge if they possibly can. Most stories of under 150 words can be trimmed and we do not accept submissions of 101-150 words.


    However, in response to demand, the FFF team constructed this forum for significantly longer stories of 151-500 words. Please send submissions for these using the Submissions Page.

    Stories to the 500 word thread will be posted as soon as we can mange.


    Picture
    Please feel free to comment (nicely!) on any stories – writers appreciate it.
    Just at the moment, though, we're moderating some of them so there might be a slight delat before they appear
    .

    One little further note. Posting and publishing 500-word stories takes a little time if they need to be formatted, too.
    ​Please note that we tend to post longer flash fiction exactly as we find it – wrong spacing, everything.

    Archives

    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014

Picture
Website by Platform 36