Oh, wait...there's ol' Earl walking this way. He's an old annoying drunk and a bum, but at least he's a familiar annoyance.
I'm sure he wants a quarter. He always asks for one when he walks down this neighborhood, from anyone who happens to be outside, He does that all over town till he has enough to buy some cheap whiskey.
I wave him on and say, "Get out of here, Earl. I don't have a quarter."
"Uhhhhhhhhh!" Earl bellows.
Drunk jackass, I think, more annoyed. He keeps coming toward me. I catch his smell.
"Goddamn, Earl," I say, holding my nose. "You ain't ever smelled good, but you smell like shit and rotten meat this morning. Get out of here now!"
"Uhhhhhhhhhh!" he yells again, as he keeps coming closer to me.
I suddenly feel like I should run back in the house now and lock the door, but I stay in my seat, paralyzed with growing confusion and fear.
Get the hell out of here is what I want to yell again, but my mouth has suddenly become very dry.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Earl yells again as he and his smell reach my porch. He looks as grey as cold ashes and his eyes are black and sunk in. He puts his hands on my shoulders and leans down as if he means to kiss me. I literally can't move a muscle.
Take all my change, is the last stupid thing I attempt to say with my dry tongue just before things go dark, as Earl chomps down and takes a huge chunk out of my head.