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Routine Question, by John M. Carlson

1/10/2021

 
“The easiest thing is to leave the body where the murder takes place,” Greg said. He gave Jeff a hard stare. Suddenly, he wondered how many other times they’d discussed where to leave a dead body. It was, after all, a routine question that always came up when they were writing one of their mystery novels.

“I know.” Jeff sighed. “But Greg? I’d like something more creative.”

Greg wasn’t surprised that Jeff wanted “something more creative.” They’d been friends since college. More than thirty years now. Jeff had always been imaginative. Too imaginative sometimes. Greg, on the other hand, was more practical. Their differences had made the mystery novels they wrote stronger than they’d have been otherwise. But...there was no denying that their differences often made the process of writing those novels difficult.

“We’ve come up with so many interesting places to put bodies in our books,” Jeff said. “Like the time we had them find the body sitting on the lap of an inflatable Santa Claus.”

“You know,” Greg said slowly, “I’ve always wanted to use some of the ‘classic’ spots. How about using a home library?”

“I always liked books that had the body in the library.” Jeff said. Then, he sighed. “But who the hell has a library anymore? It would be more realistic to have the body in a TV room. Or I guess they’re called home theaters now. A library isn’t practical.”

“What? You’re being practical for a change? You’ve gone out of your way to use some obscure poison in a book. Leaving me with the problem of figuring out some way of making that obscure poison seem believable!”

“Enjoy this moment!” Jeff laughed. “It may never happen again!”

Jeff’s cell phone rang. He answered, talked a minute, and then hung up. “That was our agent’s office. Our publishing contract won’t be renewed. Thanks to Eric.”

It was quiet a moment. They thought about Eric, who was an editor at their publisher. He had been the most difficult editor they’d ever dealt with.

“Well, we knew this was probably coming,” Greg said. “Short of a miracle.”

“Yes. But you hope for the miracle. Oh, well. Back to our plans. Eric thinks our books are unrealistic? Well, little does he know, but we’ve spent the afternoon planning to murder him in real life—and the murder will be just like one in a mystery novel!”
Sue Clayton
2/10/2021 03:46:51 am

The image of a dead body sitting on the lap of an inflatable Santa will be with me for a long time. Great story; not so much for Eric.

John M. Carlson
3/10/2021 11:53:04 pm

Thanks!


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