We're swamp people and we like it here. It's dark and dank and some call it smelly. We just sop it all up. Yes, sir. We got folks coming to visit from all over--Texas, Mississippi, Florida, Arkansas. We even had a couple from New York City come for a stay. Their folks still call, asking about them. We just say, "No, ma'am (or sir, as the case may be), we ain't seen 'em lately," and let it go at that. No use stirring up a hornet's nest with strangers.
Mornings are purely heaven. You wake up to high humidity and the smell of old mud and all manner of rotting things . . . you adjust, and after a while it gets to be like having your own expensive perfume that you don't have to pay a red cent for. The only thing: You've really got to be careful walking along the trails hereabouts. Take more than an couple of steps off the built-up area and you're liable to be neck bone deep in good old sucking sand--and no one's gonna be fool enough to try and get out there and help you. I expect we got about as many unfortunates buried out here in the swamp as resides in the biggest cemetery you could imagine. Of course, there are no headstones in the swamp, so how are you really gonna tell how many folks are resting out here?
And those Texans. Always bragging about how big everything is in their state. Pshaw! We got mosquitoes so big that two of them can carry off a Jersey cow with no problem. And our gnats. Man alive, they fly so thick at sunset that one little old bunch of them can blind a person in ten seconds or less if that poor soul isn't careful. But the two worse things out there are the cotton mouth water moccasin and the old horny-skinned alligator. Our moccasins grow to be twenty or thirty feet from head to tip of tail, and one bite will send you right on into Eternity in the blink of an eye. And I don't even want to talk about the 'gators. They've been mistaken for battleships on several occasions--and they just love to lie in wait in the deeper pools, where they can snap you up and put you under water for a few weeks till you're all tender and succulent. Some folks like alligator shoes; but let me tell you: Our alligators like human feet (with the rest of the body attached) a lot better.
Anyway, we hope all you folks will think about coming on down for a visit. We'll show you around, give you a feast of homemade 200-proof moonshine and all the possum stew and hog brains and salty tripe that you can handle. Can't ever tell: Pay us a visit, and you just might decide to stay around these parts permanently.
Like that young couple from New York City.
Mornings are purely heaven. You wake up to high humidity and the smell of old mud and all manner of rotting things . . . you adjust, and after a while it gets to be like having your own expensive perfume that you don't have to pay a red cent for. The only thing: You've really got to be careful walking along the trails hereabouts. Take more than an couple of steps off the built-up area and you're liable to be neck bone deep in good old sucking sand--and no one's gonna be fool enough to try and get out there and help you. I expect we got about as many unfortunates buried out here in the swamp as resides in the biggest cemetery you could imagine. Of course, there are no headstones in the swamp, so how are you really gonna tell how many folks are resting out here?
And those Texans. Always bragging about how big everything is in their state. Pshaw! We got mosquitoes so big that two of them can carry off a Jersey cow with no problem. And our gnats. Man alive, they fly so thick at sunset that one little old bunch of them can blind a person in ten seconds or less if that poor soul isn't careful. But the two worse things out there are the cotton mouth water moccasin and the old horny-skinned alligator. Our moccasins grow to be twenty or thirty feet from head to tip of tail, and one bite will send you right on into Eternity in the blink of an eye. And I don't even want to talk about the 'gators. They've been mistaken for battleships on several occasions--and they just love to lie in wait in the deeper pools, where they can snap you up and put you under water for a few weeks till you're all tender and succulent. Some folks like alligator shoes; but let me tell you: Our alligators like human feet (with the rest of the body attached) a lot better.
Anyway, we hope all you folks will think about coming on down for a visit. We'll show you around, give you a feast of homemade 200-proof moonshine and all the possum stew and hog brains and salty tripe that you can handle. Can't ever tell: Pay us a visit, and you just might decide to stay around these parts permanently.
Like that young couple from New York City.
