We stopped visiting when the turrets began to teeter like stoned funambulists. Who plonks outdated almanacs on top of empty boxes?
Then, she started posting jaundiced newspaper clippings through our door with notes attached. 'Thought this might interest you?'
Eventually, we had to push our way in.
‘Please stop this. You sent fifteen notes yesterday!’
‘But it got you here,’ she said, and strutted to the kitchen to make tea.