“Ever on Facebook? Instagram?”
“Raising three children didn’t give me time for any of that.”
“How about an online brokerage account?”
“No, my wife handled our investments.”
“Smartphone?”
“Never wanted one.”
“Let’s see. I have your birth certificate, marriage license, driver’s license, passport and Social Security card. I’m sorry, sir, but we’ll need additional identification before admitting you to Heaven. Cybersecurity protocols require you prove you’re not an android … you might know them as ro … bots bot bot zot beep buzz whir….”
“Saint Peter! Are those lights flashing beneath your robe?”