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Cooked to Perfection, by Sue Clayton

28/1/2022

 
Leaving my fuel-starved vehicle I stride out across desert dunes…sand flurries pirouette atop their peaks. A frill-necked lizard skitters away; a rattler slithers across my path.

The sun morphs into a fiery-red ball burning up the air.

A distant oasis shimmers with water. I crawl towards the water-hole; scoop up a thirst-quenching mouthful of mirage sand.

Eyes closed I await the inevitable.

Whilst asleep a desert storm turns on heaven’s tap; moistness soothes my boiled, blistering skin. I wallow in the rapidly filling hole that’ll hold enough water until I’m found…

…cooked to perfection, but not burnt to a crisp.
Pamela Kennedy
28/1/2022 11:49:41 am

Your not-so-pleasant desert adventure was so well described, and I especially liked your closing line.

David Ngo
28/1/2022 12:29:49 pm

I totally agree with Pamela. A fun way to describe a not so fun ending. Well done, Sue.

Jennifer Duncan
28/1/2022 02:06:34 pm

What an original story! And the last line is marvellous.

Dee Lorraine
28/1/2022 02:35:12 pm

I second all of the above. This story really drew me in, Sue. By the way, a comment you made months ago inspired my story this week, "Perfect Timing." It's in the Longer Stories section. Thank you again!

Jim Bartlett link
28/1/2022 03:56:08 pm

You've well used your 100 words, Sue - the descriptions put you in that desert (I feel a sheen of sweat on my forehead just reading it) are picturesque and the last line is perfect
Jim

Paritosh Chandra Dugar
28/1/2022 06:02:56 pm

Wonderful word picture! You are so good at it, Sue.

Marjan Sierhuis
28/1/2022 07:09:43 pm

Your story reminded me of my visit to the sand dunes in Dubai. Wonderful desriptions, Sue.

Peggy Gerber
28/1/2022 09:39:35 pm

You painted such a vivid picture with your words.

Rob Wolf
29/1/2022 02:06:19 am

Great description and compelling arc. I liked the twist at the end.

Don Tassone link
29/1/2022 04:07:47 am

Such vivid imagery! Well done, Sue.

Sivan Pillai
29/1/2022 04:08:12 am

Beautiful description of the desert journey, Sue.

Sandra James
29/1/2022 05:20:17 am

Wonderful, Sue! I've been hoping for rain but at least we have water still in our tanks and dam. I will not be going to the desert any time soon!

David Milner
29/1/2022 07:48:13 am

I'm exhausted reading this one.

Candace Arthuria Williams
29/1/2022 03:33:22 pm

Ahhh, the language!

Sue Clayton
30/1/2022 01:31:38 am

Glad you all felt the heat of my desert trek. Thank you my FFF friends. Your comments each week truly fill my heart and inspire my motivation.

Jenny Logan
30/1/2022 12:32:09 pm

Oh, my goodness, this is beautifully described. I felt anxiety for your character and was very happy it rained at the end.


Comments are closed.

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