Got him (her? it?) at Friendly Assad's Homespun and Exotic Pet Emporium and have to keep [it] in the back yard so that I can salvage what's left of my (mostly) chewed up (and eaten) furniture and appliances.
I've put up numerous NO TRESSPASSING: BEWARE THE DANGEROUS PET!!! signs in both the front and back yards.
Several savory individuals, ones who burgle houses for a living in our neighborhood, have gone missing of late. The cops attribute this to drug-related gang war activities.
For my pet's sake, I just hope they're right.