Special Delivery, by Nic Dinneen

“Sorry, Mister Distructo--
“--Doctor.”
“Excuse me?”
“Doctor Distructo.”
“Oh, Tangerine Dream?”
“What?”
“Tangerine Dream?”
“What? No. What about my package?”
“Again, Mister--”
“--Doctor!”
--Doctor, the delivery ticket says attempted, business closed.”
“Impossible. It’s a lair. And there’s a sign, ring bell for delivery."
“Again, apologies.”
“Call the driver.”
“You'd need to call the 800--.”
“--this is the 800!”
“So sorry, Mister--
“--Doctor--
“--Distructo, but this is 888.”
“You’re worse than Captain Justice.”
“Captain who?”
“Captain . . .YOU CAN'T VERY WELL HAVE A DOOMSDAY DEVICE WITHOUT A TIMER!”
“Again, sincerely sorry. Want a transfer to our 800 number, Mister Distructo?”
Sure.”