Stakes were high. The gangs were competing for control of the whisky and Irn Bru drugs trades, and of trafficking of illegal migrant chorizos and spare ribs.
But following the previous Scottish First Minister’s shock assassination, his successor Florentina Fresh-Fruit was determined to clamp down on these out-of-control haggis thugs. She introduced mandatory life jail sentences for all haggis-related crimes.
And Scotland was saved.