‘You’re barred from the living room, Harry,’ it told me, ‘until you dust and polish.’
I went to the kitchen.
‘Go away,’ the oven hissed. ‘Unless you’re going to degrease me.’
In the bathroom, the sink was equally combative.
‘Out. Come back only when you’re ready to fix my tap.’
I took a walk to consider the situation. When I returned, the front door wouldn't open.
‘Ready to address our concerns?’ the door asked.
‘At the weekend.’
‘OK,’ the door continued, ‘we’re not unreasonable. Meantime, you can stay in the shed.’
‘What?’
‘Once you’ve painted it.’