While the west was mobilising its nuclear forces, and its biological and chemical weapons, the grand Russian plan swung into action.
They simultaneously bought down all LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and every other social network, whereupon everyone in the West realised that without mobile phones and iPads, they had forgotten how to communicate. The US President had even forgotten how to issue battle orders.
It wasn’t really war as such, actually. And it ended when some nice Russians arrived – in peace – to repair everything.
Of course, we all had to learn to speak Russian.